Narcissists want to know about narcissism too

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I had an epiphany. Call me a late bloomer if you want or maybe I just had too many margaritas tonite  but I just realized that it isn’t just women that are interested in reading about narcissism. It’s narcissists as well. I’m sure they find this information riveting. Afterall, I am talking about them. I am giving them what they truly want and so desperately need; adoration, attention and an audience. Hence narcissistic supply.

All this mumbo jumbo about their psychotic manipulations and evil machinations to cover the fact that they are really just very insecure and lonely, even tormented human beings, is driving them into an orgasmic frenzy. Me, me, me, me! It’s always about me. Even if it’s bad or horrible or sociopathic, still, it’s always about me. I am a super star. Or so they think. Those poor, pitiful souls.

Dear N,

I am writing about your disorder, your psychopathic, unconscionable selves. I am writing to alert women primarily to your sick and twisted games. Read my posts if you like. You are even entitled to bask in the limelight, which you will do time and time again, because you are a narcissist. That is the nature of the beast. It is a vicious cycle and I am feeding into it. So be it. Maybe we will all learn something here.

After doing this research, absorbing the clinical material in the DSM IV and reading the pages of true accounts and the very sad tales of broken families, broken and shattered dreams and the  total devastation that you cause, I really pity you. It is the saddest thing to know that you must live with yourself. I have empathy as a normal human being and perhaps even more so in my case, which is something you are unable to grasp. However, disordered and damaged souls such as yours do deserve pity. Just as we do not understand you, you do not understand us. We are of the same species, but yours is of an alien genus. Something to do with a missing part of your amygdala I think…I’ll get back to you on that.

Your mother idolized you so you grew up believing you could do no wrong. You learned at an early age how to get around all the “rules” we all had to play by. You learned early on how to charm others to get your way. You mimicked others responses and behaviors and mirrored them back to seem just like them. How unbelievably sad for you to endure a life of torture that is repeated over and over in your own head.

At some point in your childhood no one was listening to you. No one noticed you. Someone discarded you so badly in some way that you reverted to this monster that sought to exact revenge on the rest of us unsuspecting mortals for the rest of your life. Every mirror in your home reflects an image back to you that is of your own making. You have no idea of what you truly look like. You have no idea whose soul inhabits your body. You could never benefit from the words of the Oracle of Delphi, know thyself, because you are a created and tormented soul.

The saddest part of all is that there is no help for you. Even a crack addict when faced with what he truly is can get help. Even if it takes an intervention. Your psychopathy is so engendered that you cannot escape you. How terrifying. And to think, we the victims, cannot comprehend what you are. But it is so simple really. All we need to do is to think and become just like you. Just as you mirror us, we can mirror you. That is how we can understand you. That is how we can battle your destructiveness and protect ourselves from the pain and misery that you inflict.

This is that aha! moment. What better way to understand you than to employ the same techniques that any decent FBI criminal profiler would employ. Emulation. Get your head inside the killer so to speak. To understand a narcissist, is to become one.

I hope you are reading carefully and taking copious notes. Maybe even trying to perfect your craft. We are doing likewise; studying, mirroring, guarding our secrets and covering our tracks as well. When you attempt to employ your manipulations and lies to us in the future, we will be ready for you.

Very sincerely yours,

Summer

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How the narcissist picks his prey

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He looks for a nurturing, conscionable person. The more innocent, honest, humble and kind hearted the better. These type of people cannot recognize the narcissist’s ulterior motive. How could they? The facade he presents is nearly perfect in every way. Charming. Successful. Well liked. Charismatic. Great sense of humor. He says all the right things at all the right times. He is able to do this adroitly because he takes an inventory of the victim. Their likes and dislikes, their behavior and the emotions they reveal. He mirrors all of this back to the victim. He becomes “just like you”.  Each and every time with each new victim, conquest, mate or spouse. It is the narcissist’s modis operandi.

He always has an answer and it is always reasonable should you question his motives or intentions.  To think otherwise would be an aberration. This is not a person that has a bad bone in his body. Kind, caring and considerate. Oozing charm and charisma. You believe him and so do many others. He keeps a collection of supporters (minions), near and dear to him. But they don’t get to see the inside of the narcissist’s world. Only a victim who is pliant enough, trusting enough and humble enough will get to see that. If he senses that anyone is on to his games, they are abruptly discarded in cold, cruel callous fashion. He never looks back. He never apologizes. He has no conscience so he feels no remorse. His motive is for complete and total adoration. He is a dictator, an oligarch, a tyrant. His motive is to find someone that makes him look good in the world’s eye. Someone he can continue his charade with. He believes he is a king that deserves complete reign over all his kingdom, including the subjects in it. But, the king wears no clothes. And he knows it. He hopes no one else will notice.

He repeats the same patterns as he has always done before. For a narcissist, a sociopath who knows his victim better than they can recognize the predator, the above is the perfect scenario. Con men cannot con another who can see through the mask they project or who may have the audacity to question what is or isn’t real. The narcissist will  back up their lies, with more and more lies. They are very charming. Extremely convincing, and the victim believes wholeheartedly, that this tale he spins is fact, not fiction. It will be a rare day to ever find any proof of his true colors. Covering their tracks is a natural behavior. They are very predatory. But rarely violent. They kill differently.

They do not marry or get involved in relationships for love. They do it to appear “normal” to outsiders. They look for a cleat to tie their boat to; an anchor to make them feel safely secured in a turbulent sea. It is not properly anchored however, the boat is adrift. They don’t care whom they hurt or manipulate for their own ends. They do not feel what normal people feel. Once the victim is in place, in the drifting barge, the narcissist goes about his merry way, engaging in promiscuous sex and extra marital affairs, appearing to be every man’s man, every woman’s dream, covering their tracks well and leaving a wake of devastation behind them. They brush the dust off and move on swiftly. Other people mean nothing to them. They possess no moral code or conscience. They do not answer to a higher power like the rest of us mere mortals. They do as they please always and even brag about how they “always get what they want”.  If the victim does not abide by the game the narcissist plays, they will be severely maligned, abused, and destroyed.

Once the victim is safely secured in the narcissist’s prison, there is no escape. The narcissist will consume the thoughts, the functions  and beliefs of the victim. In their own conscience, the victim recognizes all the red flags, that something is very wrong. Something is not natural and the gut instinct that all is not true about this person, infects their thinking. There is a war going on inside the victim. A constant roller coaster of emotions. Hot and cold. Charming and cruel. The voice is tiny though. The louder voice, proclaims, he is wonderful, a prince, my soul mate because this is what she needs and wants to believe. He knows this. He knows because of their good conscience and moral compass, the victim can only believe absolute good in the narcissist.

The narcissist is a professional at appearing to be a soul mate to everyone he encounters. When caught in a lie or anything that negatively may impact the narcissist’s facade he projects, he cries. He pleads.  The tears and pleas for forgiveness are merely a ruse. Another disguise. The narcissist only cries for himself. The mask is slowly falling away and he knows this and he cannot bear being exposed. In time, he ultimately will discard and abandon the victim.  At first through a devaluation phase. He begins to see the faults in that person and clings tightly to them. A sublte shift in emotional attachment. Then the snide comments and insults. There are more waiting in the wings that the narcissist already is priming and will quickly move on to, to obtain the only thing he seeks. Narcissistic supply.

A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

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Knowledge is Power. I am not a psychologist but I do study people. We all do this consciously and after awhile you tend to notice similar traits and behaviors that the majority of human beings possess. This common- man knowledge is applied when we make choices on whom to befriend, work with or for and whom to develop intimate relationships with.
People generally like what is familiar to them. We tend to gravitate towards people that somehow remind us of early childhood relationships, like our parents, for good or for bad. For instance, if your mother was a stay at home mom, wore glasses and liked to bake cookies and go to church, you may be predisposed to finding a wife with similar traits. I for instance tend to blend my parental figures together. I like extremely intelligent men like my Dad but who possess artistic and creative qualities like my Mom. I also like a guy who looks dark and exotic like Keanu Reeves or Johnny Depp like my Dad or Leo DiCaprio or Matt Damon, fair, like my Mom. This patterning we do seems to be innate as far as I can see.
Throughout my life I’ve been fairly accurate at perceiving traits I find desirable or not. Except once. For the life of me I could not figure out how I could inaccurately perceive traits and behaviors that seemed nearly perfect but on closer inspection turned out to be anything but.
The reason is the sociopath. Normal human behavior simply cannot be applied when trying to understand the nature of the sociopath. So in addition to researching sociopathic behavior on several clinical websites and reading a lot of literature on the subject, I reached down deep to tap what I know. Animal behavior. Ace predators to be precise. Predators like sociopaths share very common behavioral traits whether it is a wolf, lion or great white shark. They all have highly developed sensory mechanisms and they are finely tuned to weed out the weakest, most vulnerable prey. They do not seek out the biggest or strongest in the herd to kill.
Like a predatory human or sociopath, ace predators choose weak newborn calves or seals or older sickly gazelles and zebras.
Being vulnerable or weak puts you at risk to be predated upon by a sociopath, both the violent and non-violent kind. When we are at our weakest moments in life,the predator strikes. I was victim to a sociopathic relationship because my father had died. I did not even know I was in a vulnerable state of mind. Also, I could not recognize predatory behavior. As I said before, a predator knows you better than you know yourself.
Many women who are intelligent, educated, business owners, talented, beautiful or wealthy, can be victimized by a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Perhaps you know a sociopath. Perhaps you know his victim. They will always look or be similar. Mousy,timid or a shrinking violet. Maybe suffering from low self esteem. Someone weakened in some way from past childhood issues or a recent trauma. It could even be something as insignificant as a womans clock ticking down. Maybe she’s desperate to get married or she’s older and afraid or not particularly attractive and overweight. Once you understand an animals behavior and your own vulnerabilities you can avoid or escape their grasp. If you apply even those attributes described above to animals you can see how the ace predator will pick them out of a herd.

E-Book: Are you in a relationship with a Sociopathic/Narcissistic Man?

It has come to my attention that a lot of people, mainly women, are very interested in understanding the personality traits of a sociopathic liar, a womanizer and a man with a possible if not probable sexual addiction. Many of my readers are coming forward with many questions and a lot of their own stories that deserve recognition and deserve answers to. I feel it is my duty to share my knowledge and experiences with them and offer them assistance.

I have been asked to compile my findings into an E-Book. The book will define, describe and outline many of the traits of the sociopath. Much research is being done to back up these findings. Who these men are, what types of jobs they generally hold,  family and upbringing anomalies, etc., that can lead to this type of behavior.  It will alert women to the machinations and manipulations of a very serious and accompished sociopathic womanizer.

Though some may view this as simply a normal dating occurrence, it is far from that. These type of personalities are extremely destructive. They don’t merely date casually. They enter into loving, committed relationships while masking a guise of deception, fraud, manipulation, sexual deviation and emotional and psychological abuse that they perpetrate upon an unwitting victim. Usually a female, and usually a female who is vulnerable. Their victims suffer enormously. In many cases, they commit suicide. We are not discussing anything likely to be perceived as a casual or light hearted affair. This is quite serious, takes time to develop and the perpetrator who is always in control, determines the course that the relationship is on. The victim is never aware of that course. We are talking about a dangerously abusive personality that feels no compunction for what they do nor any remorse whatsoever for the consequences that they incur.

The term “player” is far too simplistic here. Even a “player” will make it obvious from the beginning he is seeing multiple women. Or if he does not, it is generally quite obvious in a short amount of time. Only someone who is sociopathic is able to conceal his true intentions for a very long time.

My experience was with someone who was extremely romantic, loving, charming, charismatic and insistent who was masking a very cruel, manipulative agenda from the start. Only his own needs and feelings were of any concern to the detriment and callous abuse of his victim (s).  These are the hallmarks of a full blown Narcicistic Personality Disorder. To define it, a sociopath and a psychopath are one in the same. NPD is a sociopathic behavioral trait. To be sure however, there are varying levels of this disorder. Please take note, most are non-violent. There are 70 million sociopaths on the planet right now. Only a small fraction of them are violent. I know both types and I am the survivor of 2 violent interactions and 1 non-violent; but an extremely manipulative and emotionally destructive one that spanned 2 years and 2500 miles.

The book will specifically outline each trait and behavior in chapter form.  It will offer tips on how to recognize these behaviors before getting caught in their web of deceit and the ultimate suffering that follows. And as a bonus, thanks to my dear father, god rest his soul, there will be additional chapters outlining how to “see” remotely, how to uncover and expose the truth. How and why to follow hunches and peculiar feelings and also how to accurately perceive something that may seem quite normal but is far from it.

I will leave you with one clue for now. It is from my Dad who was a CIA operative. When you “view” something, whether it is in life or in a photograph, or even in the written word, it is critical to train your eyes and ears to “see” the unknown and to “hear” the silence and read between the lines. When the book goes live I will let you all know where it can be purchased online. It will retail for $14.95.

While doing my research I am coming across some very interesting, frightening clinical material. Here are links I have found most telling: Please take note of the information pertaining to the “spouse” of a narcissist in the first link and read the articles closely. Make sure this is not you. The second link is very clinical and dry but extremely informative as well.  The third link outlines M. Scott Pecks book, The People of the Lie.  I published an article for Blogcritics based on this and my own experience. I highly reccommend reading the book. Narcissists and sociopathic liars share many common traits.  Many are outlined in my posts filed under the category for Narcissistic and Sociopathic Behavior.

http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/borderline.html

http://www.drtomoconnor.com/1060/1060lect04b.htm

http://www.geftakysassembly.com/Articles/Perspectives/MalignantNarcissism.htm                                                       

Thanks again for joining me. 😉

Summer

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