The Daily Scrum and the Journey back from Oz

The Miami Herald

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You will not believe this! But corporations lie. What you say? It cannot be you say? You must be living under a rock then. So sorry for your oblivion.

People lie. All the damn time. About everything. Obnoxious really isn’t it? On the microcosm level the narcissist is but a speck of filth arbitrarily fibbing his way through life taking prisoners down into a dark deceptive cavern from which there is no escape much like the way light cannot escape the grasp of a black hole. But this is singularly only a bumper or movie trailer of a corporate ideological film we have all seen over and over again.

Politics is making headlines. Again. The same damn story with the same bad actors, as the audience eagerly awaits a revolutionary outcome. C’mon folks, this movie has been made about a million times. You already know how it will end. Stop pretending or at the very least, open your eyes and keep them open this time. I promise I will too. In the political as well as the corporate arena, mords are getting wixed up.

I just spent about $2000 bucks to learn two new vocabulary words. Produce and Telemarketing. Oddly, believing I already knew the definition of each, I could have sworn that those definitions were distinctly different but apparently I was wrong. Or, could it be that yet one more lie has been perpetuated upon the least suspecting. Me. Somehow I thought “produce” meant, to cause something to happen, creatively. Wait a second, let me refer to Websters. Be right back…

Ok, I’m back. Here is what Webster’s says:
Origin:
1375–1425; late Middle English producen < Latin prōdūcere to lead or bring forward, extend, prolong, produce, equivalent to prō- pro-1 + dūcere to lead.
— vb
1. to bring (something) into existence; yield
2. to bring forth (a product) by mental or physical effort; make: she produced a delicious dinner for us
3. ( tr ) to give birth to
4. ( tr ) to manufacture (a commodity): this firm produces cartons
5. ( tr ) to give rise to: her joke produced laughter
6. ( tr ) to present to view: to produce evidence
7. to bring before the public: he produced two plays and a film last year
8. to conceive and create the overall sound of (a record) and supervise its arrangement, recording, and mixing
9. ( tr ) geometry to extend (a line)

And my query…

tel·e·mar·ket·ing
[tel-uh-mahr-ki-ting]
selling or advertising by telephone.

EXACTLY. So I was right. One has nothing to do with the other. One is creative and positive. The other is abysmal and banal and puts you in danger of being sued or if nothing else, conjures up supreme hatred on the other end of the phone. No worries. I found something much better.

A darling cottage on the edge of the woods where nearby a lake gently laps the shore. Odin and Loki, the two phenomenal white felines prance in the leaves. I can smell a fireplace burning in the distance. Jack, god rest his gentle soul, frolics with my father in heavens garden. I know this because I saw them there together just recently. They are keeping one another company and Dad loves my dog and they watch out for one another. Dad magically let me find something today. A 1943 Nippon Ginko 1000 yen. I know he placed it where I could find it. It is his way of letting me know that he is still here.
My stunning, ethereal auburn haired daughter is recreating a new life for herself and my Hollywood-handsome leading-man son just finished editing his work for Fashion Week in NYC. For the baby Sophia, the angel with a star instead of a belly button, I brought her a Capiz shell wind chime. Lovely lavender, turquoise and pink shells cut to resemble the wonderful creatures of the sea that she loves just like her Nona. I am home doing the most important job I have ever held. I don’t need to search the world over for a place in the sun, for gold or for love. It was always right here.

My daily scrum is the continuation of my writing and producing the best and only way I know how. Content, copy writing, websites, music management and my manuscript. It is a labor of love and as I have always maintained, we must always do what we love no matter what.

I recently read a really good book, Live Like a Fruit Fly and I would like to shout out to the author, Gabe Berman, editorial writer for the Miami Herald. Mr. Berman, I have always lived like a fruit fly. Your book was genius. Thanks for reminding me that time is of the essence.

(-1)(-1)= 4y Solve for y

I would like to talk about how everything comes around. Usually in 4 years.Why?

I have no idea why it is a 4 year turn around time frame, it just is. Things that occurred in 2008 are now coming full circle and to those who would not heed good, heartfelt advice, I am sorry for your current suffering. Just as I suspect that things occurring now will come ’round in 2016 give or take. So mind your P & Q’s.

I also know this: What you do will come back to you threefold. Not fourfold. As God is my witness, it will. I am seeing the results of some pretty shitty deeds done a few years back by a couple of pretty shitty people, come around to those individuals in a pattern of 3. I have also found that if you are very, very good, exemplary even, you will receive no such return in goodness. Why? Because it is expected. If you are a good, honest and true person, do not wait around for a lottery win. If you love people, the entire animal kingdom and volunteer your life’s mission to save sea turtles, abandoned puppies and children, feed the homeless, house the indigent, expect nothing in return. Consider your self lucky to be healthy, happy and alive. And that you spread cheer and good will to sea turtles, puppies, kids and homeless indigent folks.

Positive energy creates positive energy. No more, no less. You would have to make a global positive effect to receive the same like Mother Teresa or Ghandi. But don’t stop spreading positive energy and joy because you’re not going to win a Nobel peace prize or the lottey. The world, the Universe, thrives on it. Without it, the cosmos would implode.

But, and I swear this to be true, if you lie, cheat and steal, if you purposefully deceive, if you malign and harm an innocent, you’d better prepare yourself. There was a reason those old relics in China, Greece, Egypt and Jerusalem wrote proverbs and commandments. They watched the world turn and noticed the repetitive cycles not only in the seasons or in the night sky, but in the energy that human beings were constantly putting out and seeing it’s return a few years later. Oh, and if you know you were shitty, don’t bother looking for penance or forgiveness with the wave of the hand. You can seek all the absolution you want in the form of apologetic nuances. The energy has already been dispersed. And it is on it’s way back to you as we speak.

And those ‘no gooders’ really despised the good doers way back when and they still do. They hung them, burned them and crucified them. Even that came back to haunt them in more ways than one. Not only were their despicable actions martyred by the goodly and proven ill fated through the millennia, but the do gooders, were revered. For eternity.

So without sounding pompous or religious, for I cannot proscribe to any organized spiritual belief system, just know that your actions, words and thoughts will reverberate, will resound around the world and affect many,many lives. Whether or not you pray to a Celtic druid god or goddess, a Hebrew prophet or Chinese sage, a Tibetan monk or an Indian chief, those old fellas’ had it right the first time. Do what you did, and you will get what you got. They had many different ways of telling the same story.

Live each day as it were your last. Smile at a stranger. Help someone in need. Be forgiving. Why you ask? I’ll tell you why. Because when you forgive someone, it doesn’t let them off the hook, it lets you off. Forgiveness frees you from carrying around a lot of bad and negative energy which you will in turn send out to the world. The key is, you must really forgive from deep inside your heart and sometimes that takes a while. But don’t beat yourself up over it, just work hard at getting to a point where you can see that the negative actions of others, has no bearing on you and hence, forgive them. Even if you  have to forgive them for being assholes. It works. Try it. You’ll be smiling in no time.

Heal the world one person at a time and begin with yourself. Forget the greed, forget the lust and desire to obtain a thing or person at the expense of others. Save a life, whether it be a child’s or a fruit fly. We are all one on this blue planet. We all share the same energy. We all bleed, we all cry and we all need one another. Don’t let selfishness dictate at the expense of those around you. If you do, you will be sorry one day.

I wrote once, if you took away all that you had; your home, your beautiful wardrobe and jewelry, your vehicles, your bank account, your polo ponies…. and you stood naked to the world, what would you have left?

If your answer is nothing or not much, then you need to work on yourself.

 

 

 

Losing My Dog Jack

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This is a testimonial to man’s best friend. More than my best friend, my dog Jack, was my champion.

First, let me describe him to you. Johann vom Jagermeister, Jack, was just a baby at 6 and 1/2 weeks when he came to my home.His father Gustl Schwarzen Drachen was an international champion. His blood was of the purest East German bloodlines from the best bred German Shepherds the world over. He was stunning. His ears stood straight and erect at just weeks old, and his coat was solid ebony. He reminded me of a tiny Black bear cub. Precious and darling. But soon to grow into a fierce and formidable canine.

We lived on 3 acres, with a huge grassy yard front and back. The rear of the property was lined deep with oak trees. Over time, I transformed this plot of land into a small “gentlemans farm”. We grew a huge organic garden, with everything from artichokes, thyme, basil, mint and rosemary, to several varients of tomato, eggplant and pepper. We had corn, squash of all shapes and colors and strawberries. Lettuces, arugula, chard and collards. Rabbits shared the garden with us and often the tiny new spring bunnies would emerge to nibble. I didn’t mind. We had more than enough to share. And it was fun watching them as I weeded, poking their little noses out around the stalks of corn or the vining curcubits.

Jack commanded this parcel standing only 8 inches high. His ears pricked straight up as he would stand guard, at our circular drive, alerting when a visitor pulled in. As time went on, the neighbors, the mailman, the landscapers and tons of friends and family all new and loved Jack and watched as he grew bigger and stronger each passing day. Restaurant owners personally dropped off prime rib for him.

We decided to dig two ponds. We grew ginger and purple ornamental grasses and gorgeous lillies at the edges and had tiny mallard ducklings that we raised by hand with Jack as their sentient. Giant Koi swam and delighted us all. Jack grew and 4 children, as they grew as well, learned the circle of life as it came and went season after season on our mini farmette in the New Jersey countryside.

Within a year, the tiny 8 inch pup was a big, black wolf that had a zest for life and a presence that would not be ignored. He reigned supreme like a king over this land and ever so gently allowed children, ducklings and tiny yellow baby chicks to climb upon his back. As the chicks grew into hens that provided us with fresh eggs, their friendship endured. Lying prone as he sunned himself, sprawled out upon pine needles at the properties edge, they would snuggle with him. It was a sight to be seen. I don’t believe a dog, yet a German Shepherd would allow chickens to roost on their backs without consuming them for lunch. But Jack did.

Jack was a very powerful dog. He weighed in at 130 pounds and his stamina and strength would wear a grown man out. Bred from champions, he wore the crest of blue bloods. Never have I heard of a dog being referred to as a gentleman, but Jack was. He was a polite dog. He knew precisely what to say and when to say it. And no one ever took Jack for granted. When you met him, he garnered respect. He had rules. And under no uncertain terms was anyone going to break them. He was a mans mans dog owned by me, a girl. And so he tendered himself, for me. Gently nudging me for his attention. Cuddling me and licking away my tears. following closely at my heel wherever I went. Proudly he walked by my side. Always assuring me that I was safe under his dominion. My whispers could command him and he would always obey. His love and his loyalty were unquestionable.

Fearless and evoking fear in others, he was a big mush. His biggest joy was to play endlessly. Whether it be a football, a stick, a huge fallen log deep in snow covered woods or a coconut in south Florida, Jack would catch it in midair and return again and again for more. If you were to toss a pebble into a pathway filled with a million pea stones, Jack would find just that pebble and return it to you. His instincts, his play drive, his obedience, his intelligence, his charm and his strength were unlike any other dog I have ever known.

I called him Jack. Not Prince or Rex or anything ostentatious. Just Jack. My dog Jack. He was a part of me and will always be a part of me until the day I die. Losing him has shown me the importance of friendship and love. A love so deep and a bond so thick that even death will not, cannot break it. That through his passing, my grief will reanimate his life in each moment, in each sunrise, with each season. I hear him in the wind, I feel his warmth in the cold. I will know he is beside me as my protector and my companion, my champion, my friend.

Words can never convey the deep emotion that was felt between he and I. No one can imagine a love like this between a girl and her dog. His beauty and grace cannot be painted nor sketched. No pen or brush are able to bring his true spirit to light. It is only feIt in my heart where his love lies and will remain always. Though I try to tell his story, I cannot accurately do it. You would have to know Jack for the true story to be told. And one day, should I happen to find a new pup only 8 inches high at my doorstep, he or she will be directly descended from this great animal, this king of dogs. My dog Jack. God rest in Peace my best friend. I love you and miss you most dearly.

Johann von Jagermeister

My Ten I Don’t Make Resolutions Resolutions

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I could write about making New Year’s resolutions. I could make promises to enact 10 I don't make resolutions resolutionschanges within myself and then try to implement them all year long. I could go out and get dressed like nine miles of Broadway to be seen in the hippest joints with the coolest cats and awaken to a freight train rumbling through my head. I could.

But that’s stupid and pointless.

My promises and resolutions were made a long, long time ago. If I really want to have a night out on the town, I’d probably do it on a quiet beach somewhere. And it would probably be in the afternoon. Around four p.m. I don’t need to watch a ball drop at midnight. I’ve seen the ball drop and the other shoe drop, plenty of different times and on plenty of different days. One day does not a difference make.

1. Live truthfully.

I don’t need to make a promise to myself to diet or begin an exercise program. I don’t need to to proscribe to a strict regimen of vegetarian or vegan eating or militaristic exercise routines. I eat what I like and what makes me feel good as my body instructs me and I follow my natural cravings. I eat healthy foods and engage in activities that keep me fit doing the things I enjoy. Making a promise to become a gym rat seems counter productive. A healthy and physically fit rat. What exactly is that? A slave to a sweat covered machine that probably harbors MRSA.

2. Live in moderation.

I don’t make resolutions to work harder or to be more focused on my career. I do not make money the prime reason for employment. I do not force passion into my life.  I am steadfast, tenacious and hard working. Because I love what I do, there is no need to get focused or try harder. Love is what motivates me so no changes or promises are necessary. If you love it you will do it lovingly. That’s my motto.

3. Follow your bliss.

There is no need to apologize to anyone, make restitution or make changes to my inner being. I live my life openly and honestly. I follow the path that the Universe shows me and as it unfolds at my feet. If anything, there are others that need to apologize or at least look deep inside themselves and come to terms with their own patterns of deceit, jealousy and self-misery. Live openly and honestly always. Make no exceptions.

4. Be nice.

I don’t eat like a pig and gorge myself or drink myself stupid or imbibe in a narcotic infested drug culture. I don’t get completely deranged and fall victim to my desires. I haven’t taken advantage of anyone’s kindness or love for self aggrandizement. I can’t manipulate something or someone for ego gratification.  I haven’t stepped on toes to get ahead in life or to get a better job.

5. Control yourself.

I am aware of who I am and what I want. I clearly see the past and the future simultaneously. I recognize the patterns in life and in the Universe.  I look deep inside myself to understand the meaning of life; mine and the world I live in. For I know, all the answers I ever wanted to know are already within me. I make no excuses for bad behavior nor do I expect anyone else to.

6. Know Thyself.

I don’t need to make a promise to volunteer to help homeless women and children or war veterans. I already made a covenant to take more time to understand and help the broken hearted, the hungry and the lost. I know we must all put ourselves in others shoes and never put ourselves first. Gaining from someone else’s suffering is a prescription for failure. You can never gain when someone looses. Eventually, you will be in that situation.

7. Give selflessly.

They say New Year’s Day is a day to begin anew, make a fresh start and move on from the past. If you lived a life of honesty and kindness, made decisions and choices that bettered not just yourself but others as well, then the new year will be one of fresh beginnings. But only as good or bad as any year prior. A new year is not meant to wipe the slate clean or get absolved in some way for wrongs done. Simply forgetting doesn’t make it go away. If you do what you did, you will get what you got.

8. Believe in karma.

Don’t make a list to stop a bad habit like drinking or smoking. Don’t make a promise to change after the stroke of midnight. Don’t think that a destructive pattern you have held tightly onto for many years will suddenly change simply by virtue of time or place. Don’t transfer your own failings onto someone else believing that your own salvation is in their hands. Take responsibility for your words and actions, past and present. Do it everyday. Live it. Be it.

9. Live Now.

We are not above the laws of physics. We cannot force things to happen in our favor. We shouldn’t expect to achieve good results when we act badly. We need to accept that the world, the Universe and all of us operate as one and that every thing we say and do causes an effect that will alter millions of lives. The things we do one by one, we pay for two by two.

10. We are One.

2012  brings me a new career. A new home in a new city. A new life and a new love. Happy New Year’s begins everyday. One at a time.

I’ll Have a Green Christmas

all i want for christmas is a 2012 garden2011 has been a very good year but it has also been a proving ground. Many wonderful and enterprising things have occurred and in some cases a stoppage that proved painful initially, opened doors to a much brighter future. As they say, when one door closes another opens. After the drought, a deluge.

The economy and the vast changing face of America have left many jobless, homeless and desperate to hang on to their way of lives. Longstanding careers have gone up in smoke. Secure financial futures have dried up and families have been uprooted and torn apart, now standing barren in the wilderness.  Many have suffered enumerable losses from the direct result. I personally know of 3 suicides directly related to this economic strain and its widespread carnage. It’s the Dust Bowl all over again just in another form.

2012 offers us hope. If we planted the right seeds in 2011 those seedlings should begin to emerge soon; through the frozen landscape, bursting forth seeking the warm sun. For many, their timing to plant seeds was not just right and they may have more composting, tilling and plowing to do to get their gardens ready. I always found that the hard work I put into my organic gardens did not only produce wonderful, edible results, but it kept me very fit. This year, I was quite fortunate as I got the ground ready quite some time ago and now I am seeing those little bits of green peeping up through the snow.

The lessons we learn in life whether they be personal, financial or career oriented can all be learned through organic gardening. For what works in the soil and with nature will work in our lives as well.

For nice big fruits and vegetables, the earth needs to be rich, black, loamy and friable. This takes time to produce.The proper amount of sand for drainage, the leaf mold and peat, the organic manure and kelp and the trace minerals must be added in increments. The ground must freeze over to sterilize the soil and allow the roots to rest up for their hard work ahead and to eradicate pests that try to wreak havoc come spring.

But the hard work you put in is worth all the effort in the end when you bite into the juiciest, freshest produce imaginable. When your roses climb higher and cover the arbors and fill the air with their scent, you will know all the hours of work was for this moment of glory. When the Magnolia tree you planted grows tall and bears blossoms in Spring, the back that broke planting it will thank you every day.

So in retrospect, my 2011 was good. I had some incredible highs and experiences most could only dream of. I give many thanks for those moments. It had a few pitfalls here and there but I came out of it all unscathed. I never gave up and kept plugging away at my organic garden, mixing the right ingredients of minerals, time, patience and love. Lots of love. For without passion there can be no garden.

In my garden there are many things. There are many people and far away places. There are thousands of words and hundreds of pictures. In 2011, I toiled and tendered and in 2012 I will reap the rewards of an organically grown life; sprung from seed planted long ago, many right here on One Brief Moment.

Happy Gardening Everyone. May all your seeds grow big and strong in 2012.

There’s no avoiding the Butterfly Effect

Tonight I fell asleep very early, around 8 o’clock. I had a wonderful meal prepared for me by my dear friend the Kiwi and after the meal, 2 glasses of wine and listening to  a really terrific band called Supergroove from NZ, I conked right out. But then I woke up around midnight and went out back and sat under the stars and the Birds of Paradise when this thought came over me. Consequences.

Consequences of words. Consequences of actions. Consequences of motive and thought and intent. I believe it works like one of the laws of physics that says for every action there is an equal and positive reaction, or a thing in motion stays in motion or energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only transformed. What does this mean I wondered and how is it applied to human behavior? And just so you know, animals do not suffer this fate. They operate only within the laws of physics and never intentionally cause an effect to occur. It’s not like an opposum was cheating on his taxes and 2 weeks later a semi squished him into the pavement. It’s more like he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. That is immediate cause and effect and not what I am referencing.

These laws do not only apply to car accidents or creating fire or the birth of a star or even the birth of a baby, they apply to the things that people say and do in their lives. Often the results are not instantaneous. Sometimes the results of one’s words or actions will not be seen or felt for quite some time, perhaps even many years. I guess then we should all be very careful of what we say or do. And, if the Law of Attraction and Manifesting Your Intentions is correct, well then we should watch what we think too.

Fortunately I stick to that golden rule, maybe not like glue because anyone can make mistakes. But what about deliberate, calculated mistakes or wrongdoing? Words and actions that are executed with the supreme knowledge that it is wrong or maybe even perceived as, “evil”. (I hate that word because it sounds so pompous but sometimes it is the only word that accurately describes a thing or deed).

I’ve seen the consequences of others actions many times and I am certain you have as well. It’s like you could set your watch to it and wait for the the clock to chime out the hour of the consequence. Have you ever heard of some really bad misfortune befallen on someone and felt empathy for their plight? Have you ever wondered if that was the direct result of some action of theirs some time previously that you are completely unaware of? Without sounding like jury, judge and executioner, I’d bet it was.

Sometimes it is obvious. Someone robs an old lady and beats her over the head. You know they have it coming to them. Or some nasty teenager purposely harms an innocent creature and years later is eaten by sharks. (I figured that would be the perfect effect ). But what of those less noticeable actions? Maybe someone intentionally got a co-worker fired so they could take their post. Or someone lies for years about their true behavior and when it come out a family member kills themselves. I actually know of something like this that just happened, but I won’t go into the gory details.  I guess most people call this karma. You get back what you give out.

Sometimes I don’t believe this at all or that there is a god or a law of averages. I think that is because the Universe makes changes so very slowly and we here on earth are stuck in a time warp and rarely get to see the karma or effect occur. Anyone that has studied physics or science even a little has to at least wonder about the time-space thing. So it’s no wonder we rarely get the chance to see the bad guy get their comeuppance. No worries folks, the Universe is slow, but very exacting and if you notice, does a magnificent job at  keeping things running smoothly. Like clockwork.

So while I sat alone under a gorgeous southern sky, beneath that grotto of Birds of Paradise watching as the stars, moon and planets sped by, (a trick of the eye when the clouds move swiftly), I realized that there are consequences for everything and they occur all the time right under our noses every second of every day.

I consider myself very lucky. I live a semi-charmed life and though it has its ups and downs I can honestly say that there is no bitter or miserable effect waiting in the wings for me down the road because of something I said or did that I knew was wrong. Whenever I have done wrong, I have felt the immediate slap in the face. So I know I’m all right and in the clear of chaos theory or the laws of physics. I’d hate to have a big black hole swallow me up. Phewww…

Have a happy winter solstice everyone.

Pick of the litter (box)

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Somewhere in my attempt to understand human relationships, I made a connection one day several years ago that choosing a mate can be quite similar to choosing a pet. That realization came back to me last week, while tending to my mother’s cats’ litter box.

I have driven far and wide and paid a fair penny in my choice of animal companions. Once I drove to Fredericksburg, Virginia from the Jersey Shore to purchase a puppy. Not just any puppy mind you, a top bred Bloodhound from a long line of man-trailing hounds whose lineage harkened back to the Civil War. The breeder was an FBI agent at Quantico. The puppy I chose, tripped over his ears and weighed in at 17 pounds at a mere 7 weeks. He was  gi-normous. His Auntie Jemima, had given testimony in a murder trial. She uttered  a “Woof” when presented with the scent of the perpetrator and helped to convict the assailant. (I was informed at the time that when it comes to canines, it is only the Bloodhound whose testimony is accepted as a forensic science in a court of law. I swear I couldn’t make this up).

He was an incredible hound, with ten miles of ear canal and feet the size of a saute’ skillet, upon which he typically carried the entire backyard’s mud into the house with. He also deposited what I affectionately coined, “shoestrings” on the ceiling. Mucous drippings that averaged over 2-feet in length. It was reminiscent of the Gak that kids poured over each others heads, a ‘la,  Nickolodeon kiddie programming. Or at the very least, Alien slime. My days were spent dodging slime covered ceilings, counter tops and door jambs. I wanted everyone in the house to call me Ripley, as I felt we had a common bond.

To this day, I refuse to be a serf to a beast who needs his ears cleaned or toileted day in and day out. If you are unskilled in these minor tasks, our relationship probably will not last.

But how I loved this dog. Who tracked my missing three-year old one day with the help of local law enforcement; only to be found in a neighbors basement eating an entire pizza by her tiny self. We were never able to ascertain if the hound had tracked the child or the food to the hidden location. Either way, we were happy she was all right and he gorged himself on cheese.

Jean-Luc lived to the ripe old age of 11. He died after delicately, surgically even, removing 2 ears from 2 different human beings. Oddly enough, this Civil War lineage, FBI trained hound, was the pick of the litter.

My second choice in animal companionship was a German born and bred, solid black German Shepherd who understood and spoke, German. Achtung, der Hund wirklich verstehen Deutsch! Weighing in at 135+ pounds, he is the exact replica of the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood. But, it was not the breeder at Jaegermeister Kennels  that convinced me of Jack’s  linguistic abilities, even though all of my dog’s forebearers were international Shutzhund champions that only responded to German commands. It was the day he sat in front of the television, mesmerized by old black and white grainy WWII footage, cocking his head sideways like the Victrola phonograph dog Nipper. Listening to Adolph Hitler’s agonizing German rhetoric and propaganda, I was simultaneously entranced and terrified. Again, my choice was the pick of the litter and it cost me nearly 2k.

Nowadays, I keep my menagerie much easier to handle. I have 2 white cats. What is wonderful about them is that I am not reduced to being a litter box maid. They are trained to do their business outside. I refuse to manage a plastic container in my home filled with foul smelling dukie. Anyone with cats needs to understand that this is simply not a viable solution to a habitual problem. Cats prefer to poo in the bushes out of doors, where they can dig a hole to bury the stuff and wipe their paws on the surrounding fauna. A box, to which you must regularly purchase litter for and then scoop the poop to maintain the thing in the laundry room or some other place within the home, is weird to say the least. Honestly, why would anyone keep a box of poo hanging around anywhere? So I will have none of it and we are all the better for it.

Last week I found an old boyfriend’s sweatshirt buried in the back of a closet. At first I believed he was perfect in nearly every way. Handsome, polite, charming and intelligent. If you have read any of my posts about sociopathic relationships or narcissism, you probably know him by now.  It turned out, he was none of these things. A liar; a married cheating womanizing thief and someone who can only be pitied for his inability to be a human being with a conscience. He was not the pick of the litter. He was the pick of the litter box. Coining that phrase years ago, it had not occurred to me I had met one until the sweatshirt discovery. Ranking far below a man trailing Bloodhound, the slime he produced, a Hitler fascinated canine linguist or 2 pussy cats. He ranked right next to a cat turd.

I found myself laundering this sweatshirt and while I folded it without thinking, I came to my senses. Aghast, I took the sweatshirt, with his diving company logo emblazoned on the front, and promptly tossed it into the garbage. Since I was visiting my mother at the time, who has the nasty habit of being a litter box maid, I lovingly took out a pooper-scooper, and added a nice mound of cat poo to the sweatshirt, bagged it up and took it to the garbage can outside. It seemed a fitting end to that ugly sweatshirt, the nasty cat poo and decidedly to the only pick of the litter box I’ve ever known.

“Pick of the litter box” is a Summersaid Registered Trademark  😉