Paper Street

The unbelievable has happened. I sort of felt it creeping up inside of me for months, but it arrived quite unexpectedly yesterday and I just really took notice of it today.

I feel like a completely different human being today. The sky looks different, my town looks different and everyone and everything within my range of vision has taken on a more pronounced and fully saturated hue. I felt something growing inside me that I haven’t felt in years and finally today it arrived. There is an unmistakable sensation of butterflies in my throat. I feel as if another soul has invaded my body. My eyes are not the same. And, I have some sort of twisted, all knowing perma-grin affixed to my face.

I’m making plans to journey within and without the country for the next few months to add spice and vision to my writing and to allow this new sense of freedom and joy to permeate my soul that for far too long as not been able to receive, revive and nourish itself. I was trapped in a painful spiral of dissalusionment and somehow, some way, I’ve awoken today to a brand new world. My eyes are not merely open, I am not merely awake, I am reborn. The birth of a completely different girl to a completely different world.

I have never felt freer in my life. I have never felt more fearless. I have never felt so connected to the Universe. These feelings growing inside of me for months were growing pains. And, believe me, they were very painful. Now I look to that pain and I realize that it was all in my head. It never existed. It never even happened. I am moving at the speed of light in a direction I should have taken years ago but instead made a hard left turn down a dusty, gravelly road. One that led ultimately to pain and misfortune. Miraculously, I remain intact and unharmed.

Going down that dirt road of false illusion, I am now able to see how silly and positively ludicrous it was to begin with. Life is supposed to be a journey not a bumpy ride in an old hoopty. Life is a highway not a boulevard of broken dreams. Who would take a ride down a road with potholes, twisting turns, downed branches that dead ends itself into a culvert? The guy that drew up that map was obviously not a very good engineer. I took his directions and followed them to a T foolishly. It was only a paper street. And it still is.

This newborn is on a big new adventure. There are places to go and people to meet. There are new experiences to have and wonderful dreams to make come true. I can go and do as I please. I am boundless. I am on fire with excitement for all the possibilities that lie before me. My new found freedom is what is causing this elation and exuberance and the butterflies in my throat. My needs are few. My passions are fertile. The road is wide open.

I am the engineer of my next journey. I will plot the points on the grid. I will mark the x and y axes.  Never again will I wander into the urban hood of decay and ask for a road map. Besides, my sense of direction is excellent.

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