Mothers not Night-Mares

Being a woman is not simply being female. So much is learned from being a mother. Raising children gives you many added advantages. For one thing, it is impossible to be selfish. You learn the meaning of sacrifice. Having children in my twenties, even though my friends were out having the times of their lives, gave me a centered and solid foundation. Now, that they are grown, I am able to experience all that life has to offer and have the added sensibility to appreciate it that much more.

I have always pitied women who were childless. For one thing, most of them are somewhat neurotic. They really don’t have the nurturing or passionate capabilities to tend to others needs well and they usually posess a “me” mentality which frankly is really gross. Also, as they age, their hormones, having never given birth, do not regulate properly as a woman who has. When they hit their 40’s, a major drop in estrogen and progesterone happens causing peculiar mood swings, weight gains and a loss in libido. I’ve known several women in their late 30’s and 40’s that were childless, and not only are they harboring envious feelings for women with kids and are themselves preoccupied with motherhood, they do not age well at all. They hit menapause much earlier and need to take hormonal supplements and what is really strange is that the hormone supplements are derived from pregnant mares urine. Premarin.  Thank god I am still a girl in that respect. If I had to take anything to supplement my hormones or my libido, I think I would scream.

Childless onlookers can sit back and pretend they understand how it is done and act as if they are knowledgeable but having not participated, it’s tantamount to sideline politics. Lots of talk, no action.

My daughter began riding at 5. I’ve spent a lot of time around horses and one thing any good horseman will tell you is, horses are a lot like people. Their facial expression and demeanor tells you exactly what is on their mind and mares, (a female horse for you non-horse types) have even more specific behaviors than a stallion, gelding or colt. A young filly is quite a handful. Lots of piss and vinegar, as my ex husband, a thoroughbred trainer, used to jokingly refer to me. A mare, having foaled a few to several times, is bomb proof. Bomb proof meaning, doesn’t spook when the wind blows, loads into a trailer quietly and without any fuss and takes a fence like a pro. A mare never bred, is a mess. As they age, they get quite gnarly in temperament. Pinning their ears back in defiance or aggression, kicking and sometimes even biting. It exactly mimics the hormonal changes in a female who has never given birth. I can always tell when a woman is childless no matter her age. There is something very quirky, even odd and a nervous and unsettling character about them. They spook easily just like a mare. As they age, those quirks get downright nasty. Imagine an out of control, cantankerous mare who weighs 1000 lbs. Not fun. Not fun at all. Unfortunately, most of them go to slaughter.

I think a lot of women make the bad decision to never have children for selfish reasons and then one day regret that decision but by then it is too late. Then they rush out and marry late and dream of babies with some older guy who won’t participate in the whole child rearing process leaving her to do it all alone, figuring paying the bills is his end of the deal. What you end up with is two bitter people who do their best to stay out of each others way and a child minus real maternal nurturing and an absentee father. It’s very sad and totally due to poor planning and selfish desires. Children should never be brought into the world because someones clock is ticking down. Get a Yorkie. Then again how unbelievably twisted is it when a woman acts like her dog is her kid? I’ve seen women walk their dogs in baby strollers and even write blogs in a dogs voice and through a dogs eyes. Now that is really creepy. Get a life please.

I am so glad and so proud of the job I’ve done with my kids. They’re just about perfect and it made me a good woman with a kind and loving heart. I have so much empathy for others having experienced so much while raising them, that I really need to watch myself or I can easily become taken advantage of by others looking for a free ride or sympathy where none is deserved at all. But I like who I am none the less and who I’ve become. I am a woman with all of the capabilities of being a woman.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so introspective. I have this odd ability to see far into the future and I see what will happen in others lives long before they are able to. I guess life is a big mathematical equasion and once you can solve for X, the answers are very clear and come quite spontaneously. Oddly, math wasn’t my best subject in school. Literature and science were. I wonder if this gifted introspection I have is a woman thing? I have noticed it has gotten stronger over the years but even when I was very young I possessed some weird kind of innate knowledge. In any event, I love being a woman and I love all the parts of being a woman and I would never want to be a foal-less mare that ends up going to the slaughterhouse. That really would be a night-mare.

Being a true woman comes from being a true mother. Not a hurry up and have a baby mother and not a mother who abandons her responsibilities. A true mother is one who is able to make the sacrifices necessary to raise and nurture children and their lives and have them become well balanced, stable and productive adults who know how to create meaningful and lasting relationships with others. As the tree grows, so bends the twig.

Happy Mother’s Day.


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